ireneho

ireneho @ 2008-11-06T17:09:00

2008-11-06T10:13:33Z

My adventure ride is a disaster, instead of meeting at Queenstown, we meet at Tanah Merah :S but we were exchanging sms-es during the journey, idiot him, makes me laugh with his sms and I was alone lor, think the other passengers thought I am siao or what... :S

Other than that, so far so good, haha...

Will update the details later, I am tired now le, haha!

ireneho @ 2008-11-06T00:11:00

2008-11-05T16:29:21Z

Today I am in a dilema again :( Called my advisor cum consultant, Mr John Ho for advice. He used the word "shallow" again, last year he also used this word when we touched on the same topic... Goodness, let the history stop here please... However, he did give me advices again :) Glad to have this consultant, FOC somemore, hee...

Anyway this trip damn big group lor, all going tomorrow, from morning 6am got our people fly till evening 6pm, all different timing and different flight, Jetstar, Airasia, Tiger and SQ.. Really glam lor this party... And like what Eros says, our people machiam take 3 days to clear, all coming back on different days but majority is on Sun la.

I am still thinking if I should bring my laptop but Eric just told me not to. Hmm... True hor.. Anyway I was chatting with Eric just now he is so funny, he told me who said Leopard never change its spot, now he sees Lion shedding its fur, haha.. What a description!

Had quite a busy and tiring day today but it is a blessing :) The call came in as a blessing though it did put me in dilema, God is really good to me :) Ok, night everyone...

ireneho @ 2008-11-05T00:36:00

2008-11-04T18:16:18Z

Wa liao!!!! Now then I know didi also got LJ lor!!!! I was still trying to explain whats LJ then he sends me his link!!! Sickening, never tell me earlier!! Ok, back to my blessed daily life :)

I am chatting with didi now, he is asking me for a present so he sent me the link, win lor... a 2.3 million car, I told him sure sure, give me his full name and he is quick enough to reply am I burning it for him? Hahahaha.. My clever didi :)

Actually today I become so nuas that I have to drag myself out of the house even to collect cheque, went to meet JN for lunch (for him is kopi) at his office, hee... Finally got to eat my 6 inch Hearty Italian Tuna, I told JN finally I can satisfy my craving le, he said I always crave for so many things de lor :( I feel very at ease in his presence now. Actually people always say that people drifted apart or quarrel when they know each other too well but for my case with JN, I feel that I am very comfortable with him cause he knows me so well that there is no need for me to pretend cause I wun be able to escape his eyes also :) However, he did say that I am too straightforward and open, too predictable and it might be a good or bad thing. Somehow we happened to talk a bit about the past again when I clarify something with him, he said I didnt do such things like what someone has proclaimed but he added in that I got scold him :( I feel a bit paisey but end up we both laughed. Haha... I am really happy things turned out this way. I think he is still the one who understand me the best, I dun have to tell him everything, just a bit here and there and he will be able to piece them together. We chatted for about an hour before we both get back to our respective work again :)

ireneho @ 2008-11-03T21:21:00

2008-11-03T14:49:05Z

I am going for an adventure ride with John Ho this Thursday... in MRT!!!!! Wow, my first train ride with him in Singapore lor. I had countless train rides with him in BKK but never once in Singapore :P So surprised to receive his sms this morning, hee...

My eyes tear again this morning :( I was in tears again when I woke up, thank God I found the eye gel to relieve the discomfort but recently the recurrent seem to be more frequent, sigh... Exchanged few sms with JN before I went for my appointment, he said it has a long time, yes indeed.... It has been exactly a year. Glad that history is repeating after a year but let history stopped here, I dun want the unhappy part :)

I went back office to submit Cass's friend case before I went for my last appointment in Tg Pagar, hee... And yes I got it again :D

Actually there are 2 good things that happened to me today, both concern $$. Before the 2nd one comes, I sms JN to share with him about the 1st one when I was on my way to my last appointment. He is so bad de, keep bitching me :( First he said I make his day with my prudent concept then he said I make his toes laugh, really bad lor :'( I am just trying to keep my word ma, to do better and he is so encouraging lor :(

I went for my last appointment then I sms him again to tell him the 2nd good news :) Now he knows me le, hee... He replied me so many good news, thank God again :) Occasionally I really get quite pissed with him for his bitchiness or sarcasm but no matter what happen, I can never stay angry with him for long :) And of course, most of the times, he does makes me laugh by his remarks :)

I reached home close to 9pm, feeling so tired but I will be busier next week :) As for why, I dun intend to announce here but my close ones will definitely know :) I wanna tell YQ also but he is not online :( Will tell him once I see him online :)

**Add-in: Here comes YQ online shortly after I type this, haha!**

I see God's work and message for me here :) I strongly believe He sent Cass to talk to me last week :) I know He will do the same for me, I trust Him :) I am blessed even in times like this, I am blessed at all times, in all aspects because He loves me... All the words that I read in bible is so alive :) I am going to use the next 2 days to get His words and revelation :) Like what Cass and me agreed last week, whenever we get a revelation, miracle just follows :)

Sms JN, thought of meeting him for kopi but he said Science Park 2 is a long walk from his office so I abandoned that idea le :P Have craving for Subway lor :(

I want to meet Carol also this week before my hands are tied up next week :) She just sms me she is happy without burdens :) Yes, I understand that kind of relief :)

Actually I need to study for an exam again for the next 2 days but I know God will help me again like how He helped me last year :) I will take my CGI in Dec during Xmas season :)

Ok la, time to sleep again... Can sleep till afternoon tomorrow le **yay**

ireneho @ 2008-11-01T18:12:00

2008-11-01T11:58:11Z

Went Tiong Bahru to meet the gals for dinner, supposed to be Brewerks but for some reasons, we change to Bie Fu, Cecilia was like huh?? She just had it twice this week! Haha... Anyway she didnt eat cause she was late. We went for coffee after our dinner since Cecilia doesnt want to eat. Had a very nice time gossiping with them, hahaha... I didnt take any pictures with my hp last night cause Cecilia and Gerlyn brought their camera so I leave it to them to upload :P

Gerlyn sent Cecilia to her bf's house and sent me home :) I stayed at home watching TV and listened to the songs that dear burnt for me, fell asleep while doing so :) I only realised how early i slept when I saw dear's sms the next morning. He sent me 2 sms at 130am but I was already sound asleep le :)

Woke up at 9plus this morning but I was still late for my appointment :( I went back office to get some forms before going to Tampines. Her friend is a ready buyer but I think he was rather unhappy with me initially for being late and Cass wasnt at home also but after a while, he is ok liao, after we talked about "ghost" hahahaha... Will propose him life policy soon, hee... He told me Cass keeps asking him insurance, haha... She is a very good COI indeed :) I chatted with her till 4plus before her sis Joalynn dropped me at Havelock :)

Felt so handicapped without my hp... My hp batt went flat in the early afternoon :(

Watching "Yi Wu Fan Gu" Nice show leh but I missed so many episodes :( Going for Kevin's birthday later at Tabs, think I only go for a while and I go tabao at Maxwell, I am feeling quite sleepy now actually, dun really feel like going out liao, sigh...

Going church tomorrow, hee.. This is my relaxing weekend for the week :)

counting my blessingssssssssss

2008-10-26T11:12:41Z

I went to meet Cass and her sis last night, Cass took up a life policy with me on the spot, I was quite surprised cause I thought she might want to go through and think it over but she signed and pay on the spot, hee.. Her sis too :) I am really blessed :)

Was thinking if I should go home or go ebar directly, sms Eros and Grace and both were there. Went ebar to look for them :)

We went Tabs:) Saw Ah Lian but no chance to talk to him, shit!

I saw a sms from my Marcus Slut this morning, I didnt really think of it until he sms me, thanks a lot ya SLUT! Thanks for taking the trouble to sms me this, really thanks thanks :) I made the changes le :)

I received a sms from JN this afternoon, it was sent 10mins after I hang up with him. I thought he is kidding until his 2nd sms. Somehow it leads to a bit heated exchange of sms but still this conversation made me smile in the end cause it reminded me of last year when we would have arguements on similar topics and I know he meant well. God is really good to me, I thought I would never receive such sms from him le :) I decided to end the conversation in a lighter tone, hope to make him smile :) Thus after a few heated sms, I told him I like this conversation with him, so got qing qie gan but I promise him I will do better from now on. He replied me hao de with a smiley face :) I hope my sms did make him smile too :)

Reached Suntec at 2pm, grab some bites and went for my service :) Today's sermon is quite impromptu cause it is not supposed to be on this topic but PP said God asked him to change to this yesterday and PP said God knows who will be coming today thats why. Indeed the message is for me, haha... Like what I said lor, I am the problematic child, thats why He always got to cater to me :P

Ok, got to log off le Still waiting for my dear JN's reply lor :(

ireneho @ 2008-10-25T07:54:00

2008-10-25T00:49:39Z

I am sooooooo happy last night :) Went to meet my old gang in Carpenter street but I didnt sing cause straight club, cun feel in place,there but the atmosphere is very nice, ahaha....

I received a sms from JN, hahahahahahaha... He damn poor thing lor :P But I apologise le hor, I believe he wun be so petty one, I miss him lots le....

I am really happy to see Wenda, Lao Da, Cheryl Lee, Yvonne and some others whom i dun really knows. They had promised to celebrate myy birthday for me in a thai bar :)

This is my sweetie, Cheryl Lee, I love her lots **muacks**

Got another pic cun upload again, guess there r more to come again :( I really enjoyed myself with their company but today I was late, reached at 12am and leave at 120pm cause I need to meet my friends at Tabs

My busy and pretty Yvonne... But this one is real de, she is superly busy
me and Yvonee cam shoring

My mischevious Wenda and me

Anyway I can just upload these few pictures, the rest will be uploaded in FB :) I really enjoy myself tonight, though we so long never meet but the feelings and chemistry are still there :) I jio them for Thai Disco for my birthday le and they said ok, I am sooooo happy, hope Mel can turn up this time :P
Wenda is really a joker lor, together with me hor, no one can stop themselves from laughing, it is sooooooo fun last night, And Yvonne's friend said Wenda and me really a joker, I dunno why but I just felt so at ease in their presence :)

I asked Cheryl to accompany me to Tabs, she is so sporting lor, she agreed... but before that she said something that I really feel bad about, she said during my last birthday, I got too many friends there and I left her out, she feels so paisey and asked if this time will be like that, I assured her I wun leave her out. We went Tabs at 130am, introduced her to my friends and she seem to be very busy entertaining a "straight" guy from Tabs lor **faint**

When we were at the smoking corners, my friend came out. I was quite drunk again tonight so I told my friend, Cheryl Lee is my 12 yrs friend, pretty hor? :P They said ya and Jacky bought us a apple shooters. I told my friend that Cheryl Lee was very close to me, no doubts we seldom contact but she always has a very special place in my heart, she says ya and said something like we used to cheong together and dunno where is pax is when we cheong lo :P I feel so happy, she is truly someone I treasured a lot. I will never let anyone hurt her and I know she is very protective of me too. No matter how long we didnt meet, I know when I need her or when she needs me, we will never forsake each other, this is more than enough le :)

Cheryl was tired so I sent her to the cab.

Valerie is a very fun person :) I look forward to club with her again, hopefully Cheryl will go St James with me on Sun. I intro JN to her again, they met before but I think they forgottem about each other le la.

I really feel so happy seeing so many of my old friends tonight :)

Siao liao, I haven finish my policy review **argh** better go and sleep now then do it in the noon :)

too addicted to internet :S

2008-10-23T08:09:01Z

I am going to update my LJ now cause I am trying to quit surfing tonight. I feel that I am like a laptop addict :S, dunno what the hell I am doing from the time I reached home to the wee hours of the night. Laptop seem to be the most important and indispensable thing in my house, I cun do without it :S Even when I am watching TV, even when I am doing my work, I have to on my msn, my facebook :( The worst thing is even after clubbing, I will still log on even when I was damn drunk :( I must do something about it cause it is really unhealthy... Tonight will be a laptop-free night, I have decided to read my Captivating, my daily bread and chat with my Daddy God after my dinner with my family :) I will take my last sleeping pill and sleep early tonight, no matter how bad my insomnia is, I am not going to take any pills again. After I read my sis's entry, after I read those articles, after seeing so many examples, I am disgusted with myself. Anyway I will be staying at home tomorrow cause I have to do my policy summary :P Ya, I procrastinate again, sigh... I must complete all my outstanding by tomorrow night :)

Cheryl Lee sms me le, she is meeting me on Sat night :) So which means after my appointment with Cassandra and her sis, I will have to go down le, think I will be damn tired by then. Sigh... Anyway I wun be meeting JN this week le, good thing I haven jio him for anything yet. Friday night, I need to be at home to do all my paperwork, Sat night meeting Cheryl Lee and gang, Sunday night maybe I will go St James/Dragonfly since Monday is PH. And the blur me dun even know Monday is PH lor until yesterday :P But Monday I have to clear all the paperwork again for Cassandra and her sis, really quite choke by my work these few days. Thanks to Melvin Bitch also for his help also :) Really appreciate it :)

Finally the date and venue for our gathering has been chosen, 31 Oct 2008, hee... It is chosen by our sweetie, Miss Luilui but we are still waiting for the rest to confirm... Ya, Missy Hong cun refer to calendar for her auspicious date liao. Hope everyone is ok with this date and place, it is very tiring being the co-ordinator especially when some of them are not even in FB :S

I went to meet Alvin Lay just now, my client cum agent few years ago but he quit insurance liao thus he has to get the factory insurance from me :) I feel that my momentum is back, with the cases opening and closing. I feel so blessed :)

mid of the week le yay

2008-10-22T18:41:40Z

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of bed, was not feeling good and I declared off :P Woke up and went back to sleep and woke up again to meet Kor and Gary for kopi :) Was supposed to go swimming with Gerlyn but it rain :( There goes her dream of being a fish today and I am not happy like a bird also, all because of the stupid rain :P

Cheryl Lee sms me when I was on my way to meet kor and Gary. She wanna meets me and Christine and I suggested meeting Mel and the rest also since we are meeting. Wonder if my dear Yvonne is free also this weekend :) Happy to see her sms, actually I begin to feel what some friends said are right, I am too focused on certain people that I would neglect or even forget the rest. Cheryl Lee was very close to me at a point of time but after I cheong AJ clubs, we seldom meet up le cause she is very busy on weekdays but I am occupied on weekends and she dun like AJ places, so its like different lifestyle. I jio her few times on weekdays but she cun make it and when she jio outings on weekends, I cun make it because at that time, I feel that since she is with a group, she can do without me but JN is meeting me only so I meet JN instead. Thus I guess we both gradually accept the different lifestyle and give up trying to meet le though once in a while, she will still sms me for meet up. I did ask her to my birthday initially but I guess she feels out of place ad the following year she didnt join le. All along I thought by being there when they are down is more than enough but someone just told me today, it is not. I guess I really have learnt something le. I really have to spread my time and not focusing on anyone le. Anyway I am very happy because all my old friends seem to enter my life again :) I am meeting my 12 over years ah beng and ah lian friends :) I am soooo happy!!! I suddenly realised I miss them very very much! They are able to cheer me up when I was down, they always make me laugh, my dear Melvin, Wenda and of course my Cheryl Lee :) I really didnt think of asking them to accompany me cause I dun want anyone to think I am finding back my old friends because I was down though I know they wun mind but they contacted me themselves. I am happy and grateful :) Actually I also cun really remember how Cheryl Lee and me drift apart, why did I begin to go AJ club instead of meeting her? I really cun remember also le but I know for sure we didnt quarrel or have any misunderstanding, it is a gradual change I think :) Miss clubbing with her in JB, she always brings me to walk those dark alleys after clubbing :S but dunno why I dun have any fear when I was with her even though at that time, JB was supposed to be dangerous, yet the 2 of us age below 20 can walk the causeway in the middle of the night by ourselves or we will hitch hike at Sg Custom :P Now when I recall back, it is really very nice memories and I dunno where our guts came from :P of course we wun do that now lah :P Miss going BKK with her especially the times when we were in the same company, she and me were so siao that we would take night flight to BKK on Friday from office, stayed a night there cause we dun club at that time and woke up early in the morning just to shop and eat and come back to Sg on Sunday afternoon, I really miss those times however, I know even if we were to go BKK together now she wun enjoy the trip unless I can dun go DJ but if I dun go, I will be damn sian. Our lifestyle really changed le... :(

Missy Hong also msn me last night, first she was telling me something about making our photo but I didnt reply cause I dunno what she is talking about then she told me she will look up the calendar and find an auspicious date for the gathering but I was not in the mood to discuss the gathering last night so I just tell her to cheer me up, initially she tried to crack some jokes but I asked her got better ones? She replied me I thought she is Moses Lim huh? This simple sentence makes me laugh :) We chatted about our gathering and Pulau Aur, happy that she is fine with the idea of beach holiday :) She told me she also baptised last year in Aug and she feels that our meeting up after 13 years is arranged by God :) This is just an affirmation to what I believe, I already knew it le... All these meetings with my old friends are meant to bless me :)

I called Kor last night to clarify something and talked to him. It was then I realised how amazingly cooooool he is :P What he said makes sense, thank God I called him instead of anyone else. Yes, since the "truth" is not going to make any difference now if not make things worse, the best is to ignore :)

Tomorrow is another busy day, cannot declare off le :P Have to meet Alvin Lay at Bt Batok for his factory insurance and goes back to office to do some paper work, meeting dad for dinner also :) I didnt call JN until now, he also didnt contact me since that last email, guess he is busy ba. Wonder if he is going to One North on Fri, feel like swimming there and the KTV, miss the mee goreng there le :( but I cun ask him yet cause I dunno if Cheryl Lee is meeting me on Fri or Sat, have to wait for her to confirm first, I know the chances of me going to One North would be much higher than to meet them if JN is going thus I rather not ask now until she confirmed, dun wanna dua her again. It is in my character and mind le, I guess I can do preventive measures but changing my own character and mind would take a longer time, I do not wish to take that long to show those concerned friends I have changed. I can only use preventive measures for now :) Anyway I can foresee a change in my lifestyle and clubbing scene from now on :)

busy start of the week :D

2008-10-20T18:25:54Z

I went Redhill for my appointment in the morning before I went HK Street kopitiam at 2pm for a short meeting with Alvin and the rest, went to back to office to submit my case and I was so angry with myself lor, cun believe I made such a stupid mistake! I let the client sign everything even counter-sign the mistakes written but.... I forgot to let her sign on the app form :S Stupid mistake! Cun submit the case until next week le cause I meeting them on Sat night :S Stayed in office to do my paperwork till 9pm **shacked**

Was supposed to do a summary but I was confused about P's rider, thank God I have Gary to enlighten me :) But still, I was too tired to do the summary tonight, I will do it tomorrow or Wed :) Anyway I should be at home on Friday, can do also :)

I wanted to go swimming these few days but I am afraid the chlorine will hurt my eye, I somehow feel the tear is still there when I rub my eyes accidentally at times thus I am very conscious of my eye nowadays :S

Haven receive JN's reply on the email that I sent :P Dunno if he has read it already, I hope it did not backfire and he ended up being angry with me :P Hmm.. Shouldnt be la, think he is not so petty :P 2 more weeks to reminicise our past :) I am feeling very contented with my life now :) My old friends came back into my life :) I am working harder cause my job has given me the sense of satisfaction and happiness that I want :) I have been living in my own world for the past few months, living in an illusion... This illusion has indeed been very beautiful but all dreams and illusion are not real, it is only a matter of time that I got to wake up, God has been very kind to me, He prepared me for this day long before it happened :) My old friends came back to my life, my dear JN is the one who counsel me, first time he talked to me so much on my emo problem :) the "coincidence" that I met my senior and I went back to serve :) and of course not forgetting my always-there-for-me friends, this incident also left beautiful memories like the "torn" night with YQ, my beer session with Gary and my 96mins counselling session by JN :)

Now I know why JN suddenly offered to go BKK with me liao, must be my Daddy God :) He has indeed long prepared me for this day :)

In times of tribulation, I see Your love and amazing grace :) I love You cause You first love me :)

Ok, time to sleep liao, night Daddy God and everyone :D

ireneho @ 2008-10-20T02:01:00

2008-10-19T18:12:05Z

I didnt serve again today but somehow I feel its Daddy God who wants me to rest. Actually I didnt sleep at all last night, was online till 4plus and I was tossing in my bed until Gerlyn called at 6plus but the strange thing is after she called, I just went into coma. She called and sms me several times but I just cun wake up, even my alarm fails to wake me up. I slept till 2plus, it is really the deepest and longest sleep I had in these 2 weeks :)

I guess God gave me the desire to surf on some things online, I dunno if I should feel sad or relieved when I came across 1 article. So everything was just an illusion, I know I felt that way but I dunno it is a common symptom until I read about it just now. Sad to know it was just an illusion but at the same time, relieved that it is, confusing, haha...

Stayed at home the whole day watching TV, Dad bought me dinner when he brought Davian back :) Nice :)

Ok, got to sleep liao, long day ahead tomorrow :)

Blessed week to all :)

blessed me :)

2008-10-18T20:46:23Z

I was very very tired today even though I didnt go out last night. I was at home the whole day watching TV cause my appointment with Cassandra was postponed to night time but at the end of the day, I feel so tired that I have to drag myself out of my bed. Went back to office to collect a document cause I forgot to take it home with me last night :P

I chatted with Daddy God on the train, for the first time I heard His voice ever since that episode. He reminded me of what He had told me last year.. Anyway the bottom line is keep the peace in my heart :) I felt refreshed when I alighted :)

I am soooo super abundantly blessed lor :D I went to meet Cassandra's sister at her house, another pretty girl :) I thought I will be closing her a very small PA plan initially but she took the higher plan. Not only that, I will be meeting her next week to sign another life policy with Healthshield and another PA plan :) Then Miss Cassandra also asked me to prepare another quotation for her, she also needs a life plan :)I was feeling very down and demoralised recently but just now Cassandra brightened up my night when she told me that she feels AIA agents are more caring as compared to another company cause we sell her based on her needs and not ours. She asked if we are trained to do that, I told her ya lor, from day 1 in our foundation class, we are taught not to do product selling le. She told me she was pissed off by her husband's friend in another company who called her husband twice to ask him for support cause he needs to hit quota (sigh... the agent is also too straightforward liao) Cassandra agreed to support once but when comes second time, she is very pissed liao, she thought of surrendering but I advise her not to la. Its her loss, anyway I dun encourage people to cancel their policy with another company and take up with me. The main thing is of course the customer is on the losing end, the other reason is since I will curse whoever do that to me, I believe anyone will curse at me too for doing so :)

Wa liao, I love her HUSKY!!!!!

A kiss from lovely Javen... Isnt he sweet? :)

I took a picture of Cassandra and Elijah also, wanna show Carol and Toby but I cun upload here leh, will show them when I meet them :)

Cassandra sent me to Fengshan (Bedok Blk 85 Market) to meet YQ, we had a very sumptous supper :) Finally got to eat my porridge, hee... Went East Coast to gossip after that :) Actually last night I wasnt feeling too good but I dun want to eat the sleeping pill cause I left with the last one, thought of saving it for tonight but I felt so happy tonight now that I dun think I need any pills to sleep, plus I have to serve my Daddy God in another 2 and half hour, think I dun want to sleep tonight le :)

YQ andd me chatted till almost 2am at East Coast and we went Zouk to pick up his friend, Mel before we went for our 2nd supper of the night... Bak Kut Teh :P

Hungry YQ...

Cun upload the food picture again :( Anyway I had a great time tonight :) Thanks to Cassandra, her sis and lastly YQ... Thanks for brightening up my night :)

I told YQ I will check out Pulau Aur first, if nice then we will go together again cause cheap ma :P He suggested Penang for Xmas actually but dun think JN will want leh... Have to ask him lor, if not then we will go next year when we got the time :) Anyway it doesnt really matter where we are, its the company that counts, I am very happy that I will be celebrating with JN again this year thus the place doesnt really matter to me now :) I dun want to stay in Sg only because I dun want to have any unhappy incidents during festive season but if my friends really wish to celebrate in Sg, I am ok too :)

I felt very happy tonight cause I know my God has been with me all these while, I thought He also left le when I didnt hear anything from Him but I was wrong, He is with me :) Thank you for your blessings, my Abba Father :)

ireneho @ 2008-10-18T02:59:00

2008-10-17T19:19:59Z

Hee... I know I am going to get a scolding if he sees this :P

This is JN in 1958 :P (Before he even born, I know how he looks like, haha)

This is JN in 1968 (So Stephen Chow :P)

This is JN in 1976 (I think this looks best)

This is JN in 1980 (this one is a bit natural, jia lat)

As everyone knows I always keep the best for the last..... This one MUST see cause JN WILL NEVER become so fat!!! So this is the only time to see him "fat"

This is Fatty JN in 1998 :)

**Disclaimer** All the pictures has been edited, it is not genuine pic hor!

I just sent an email to him, hee... He is still in Taiwan, I hope to make him laughs, hopefully it wun backfire :P

Was having kopi with Gerlyn at Raffles Place when we bumped into 1 of our ex classmates, dunno what happened leh, recently really many people whom I have lost contact with, came back. However Gerlyn and I were like a bit uncomfortable, now we know what Missy Hong meant liao, wrong frequency... The topics also a bit sala, after she left Gerlyn asked me I am not going to ask her for the dinner right? I guess she realised I didnt even ask for her phone number la, then she said ya, even that few minutes she is uncomfortable le :P What's more actually this one is already much better than the group that Missy Hong met, poor gal she :P She is also quite good liao la, can tahan go out with them twice :P

Was intending to inform the rest when the dates are more confirmed but Cecilia saw my status update in FB and left msg :) She called me after my work and we chatted for a while, she suggested Pulau Aur and Dayang, I went to the website and see, really very nice leh the water, moreover its cheap but Cecilia said its a diving site so we cun expect much from the accomodation. Actually so long it isnt too jia lat like got rats or cockroaches or bed bugs I am fine la, afterall we chose to go beach resort because we miss our camping times in St John's Island, St John wasnt too glam also :P Cecilia is into diving nowadays, from her FB can tell she is really very tanned now but all her pictures are so nice de lor, the waters are soooo clear, it seem so fun, so enjoyable :) I guess there will be few people who cun make it cause they have to look after their child but I am ok la cause those who are closer to me are all the singles ones leh... I guess what Gerlyn said is right, actually from our teenage years, we have already planned and decided on our own destiny. We really work in the industry and career that suits us since our school days, like our sweetie Luilui, very meticulous and guai guai type, she is now a purchaser in a oil and gas company. Missy Hong, Gerlyn, Cecilia and myself are the more outspoken ones, now all in sales... I guess our character didnt change since we left school, the only one who has changed the most is Joey Ng :) Hers is indeed a very drastic change but I am happy for her :)

This is Pulau Aur

The accomodation
This pic really gives me a feeling of St John, dunno why :)

This is what we see when we....
dive

Snork

And directly opposite is Dayang le, I see the map like very near, think can swim there ba :P Actually all these islands are very near Tioman so which means they arent too far from Singapore but Tioman is too commercialised le, we want some secluded place :) I really wish to learn diving too but I am afraid of getting tanned :P I really think Cecilia is very daring lor, she used to like her fair skin very much, now she is willing to get tanned because of her interest :)

I am sooo looking forward to the beach, miss the underwater world so much :( The time now is 351am, still cun sleep... Meeting Cassandra tomorrow at 1030am at her place :) First sales during these few weeks excluding the one I bought for myself la :P

Ok, time to rest le... Night everyone :)

ireneho @ 2008-10-17T01:43:00

2008-10-16T18:34:49Z

I was actually feeling happy today, all the way from morning till half past midnight, guess I was again a bit high. Before I drank I was really ok, happy to see kor this afternoon, happy to see my "Missy Hong" and "luilui" and happy to meet my friend for a short drink after that, really happy... .

I met kor this afternoon in office, received my present, hee... Got declared tax one hor, mai siao siao :P

Dunno whats wrong with LJ, cun upload so many pictures :(

My dinner appointment with friend was postponed thus I went to meet my "Missy Hong" and "luilui" Wa liao, it has been 13 years since I last saw both of them lor!!! Frankly speaking if I saw them on the road I dun think I will recognise them. Missy Hong said she saw me once in Duxton but I was walking quite fast and she wasnt sure if its me, sigh... Tg Pagar area then very likely lor :P but she dunno la, Luilui is still as sweet as before, those gentle and diplomatic type, Missy Hong is still as straightforward and candid, I really laughed till pengz during dinner, it is really nice catching up with them. We are planning a bigger group dinner for the coming one:) However Missy Hong requested for all the right frequency ones cause she attended 1 of our school gathering and she really feels so out of place, hahahaha!! Of course la, that group was teacher's pet, our group more happening de ma :P I keep asking her what topic they touched on etc and I thought Missy Hong was quite close to them during our school days de ma, why now say different frequency? She said she will organise 1 outing with them for me to try so that I can understand, thanks lor...

Missy Hong and Luilui

Luilui was late and I met Missy Hong for kopi first, we updated each other on our life, I envy her lor, go Germany for 4 years then come back :) We lost contact after we left school, I tried to look for her and Jeannie but just cun find them, now I know why lor. It was by chance she bumped into Shunhe and he gave her my number, I was so surprised and happy to receive her sms :) Now only Jeannie is missing, hope we can find her soon. Missy Hong asked me go facebook and type Jeannie, wa liao dunno how many thousands of Jeannies will come out lor, I asked her to find since she is so free :P

It is a very nice dinner and I had a very wonderful time catching up with them. I also bumped into Janice but she was in Sakae Sushi and I was too lazy to go out so we just use hand sign and lips reading to indicate keep in contact through friendster :) That one is DF chiongster, long time never club with her also le, maybe I should go back to straight clubs :) Very nice to see her again too :) Whenever Missy Hong or luilui asked about certain people, I would tell them refer to my FB and friendster, until Missy Hong cun take it :P It was very fun :)

Tomorrow I am meeting KT :) All thanks to JN's advice :) He has been my career advisor since years ago and he didnt stop until today :) I seem to wanna change my whole lifestyle, my life. Perhaps there are just some things I wanna avoid, a new environment might be able to help. I wanna keep myself busy, I wanna earn more $$$, I wanna change my lifestyle, I wanna honour God, I wanna retire with JN in BKK soon, I wanna leave here....

Met up with si-ge for a short drink, nice catching up with him :)

Time for me to sleep le... Meeting KT tomorrow, God bless me :)

Oh ya, I am so blessed lor, my investment earned me S$800+ in 3 days, hee but too bad it is CPF and not cash, sigh...

Night le...

ireneho @ 2008-10-15T23:29:00

2008-10-15T17:38:25Z

I managed to stay at home by myself tonight, YQ asked me out for dinner actually but I just feel like spending my time alone, just for tonight cause tomorrow I will be busy again le, I still dunno if YQ wanna goes Hortpark with me on Fri, if not I will stay at home lor. I must learn to avoid clubs like JN :P

I called kor just now, I called him few days ago but he is BKK. Actually I wanted to call him some time ago but I didnt, I just feel like talking to him. I shouldnt have quarrelled with him because of anyone. I guess YQ is very right, probably he is the only one who got the courage to tell me straight in the face, even YQ got to "hint" but only kor got the courage to tell me upfront. However, I was quite shocked by the real reason he is angry, I guess JN is indeed very right, to me it might be a very small issue but to others, it might be fatal. I guess what I can take is what many others cun and what I cun take is what many can :)

Anyway I used my house phone to call, I expect him to hang up on me after knowing who I am but he didnt. Actually I called not knowing what to say so there was a long silence. After some time, then we began to talk. I asked him if he is still angry and he told me yes :S I thought he will say no de lor :S Anyway we managed to talk things out, I apologised and he said "dun do that again next time" :) I knew he will forgive me so long I apologise :) Guess this incident really happened for my good :) If he had gave me up early sept, I would have hate kor till now le but he didnt and this thing happened, I guess it is really the timing :) Indeed this is a lesson for me. Kor said he haven pass me the cigarettes yet, I asked him so long le, still around huh? he asked me why leh, I said I thought you either throw away or smoke finish liao lor, e told me he is not such a person, he still keeps it for me. I really feel so guilty, I nearly gave him up for someone who proclaimed to be my best friend but when incidents happened, he can go all way out to spite me, to have his revenge. One on the other hand, still keeps the things he bought for me, other than the email, he didnt utter a single word or do anything to hurt me. I think this incident is a true learning experience for me. Other than sad, I feel very scared... How can someone who is so close to you, to the extend of being with you everyday treat you this way after falling out? But of course having said that, I know he will think differently, why his best friend made him lose face? Again, it is only him who can judge if that matter is serious enough to cut friendship or to even take his revenge on me. I guess this incident will scar both of us.. Not only me or him but both....

Actually I wonder if slut (Marcus) and me really hates each other that much, we post our entries calling each other slut and bitch, and last night he just called me bastard in msn. Even in clubs, we will address each other as slut and bitch in front of our friends, all his faults la, made me feel that this is no big deal :P

I will be getting my present from kor tomorrow :) Tomorrow is really a busy day, meet kor le have to go back offfice do something and then probably meet my friend for dinner or for drinks, not yet confirmed anyway.

I just received Cassandra's call, she is asking her sis to buy a policy for me :) Blessings... At times like this still got case, haha!! God is great!

Ya I know God is with me, He will protect me against all principalities...

Time to sleep le, sleep earlier can see kor and my friend earlier :)

ireneho @ 2008-10-15T02:15:00

2008-10-14T18:30:54Z

Met up with Eric for dinner at Funan Mac, the wasabi fillet is soooo nice!!! But I dun really like the wasabi powder though. I was chatting with my friend from Malaysia, he was telling me he preferred the fast food in Singapore but I told him I preferred theirs. Guess the pasture outside is always greener, haha! He might want to meet me in SG tomorrow for fast food, hee... I am looking forward to his arrival. Anyway JN and I thought of celebrating our Xmas in KL, he is sooo funny, he said he wanna try Orange than Oblique cause Orange round round de, sounds better @#$%^& He wanna eat a char kway tiao from dunno-where but YQ seem to know where it is so must be famous lor, I wanna go Jalan Alor again but different store :) This time I must eat my Nasi Marrybrown :) Actually my friend asked if I wanna go Genting for it, how I wish but I know JN sure grumble one, he is so lazy :( but still I will ask him, hee.. Miss my kopibean there :) Anyway we are confirming after our trip. Si-ge is in SG but dunno if we are able to meet cause his schedule is quite tight this trip, anyway if I cun see him now, I will see him in KL la but I think they will be shocked by my clubbing habits by then...

Eric and I wanna go ebar after our dinner but it is not opened yet, thought of going to Yong Soon but I passed by Ah Lian's shop and saw a red head outside, we chatted outside outside his shop :) It is really nice talking to him, though he is very loud and lian but he really gives very constructive advices. Actually he wanna tells me something for some time le but he feels he cun and asked YQ instead but stupid me never got what he is trying to tell me. Anyway I am really grateful for all their advices and concern :) One thing about Ah Lian is he is damn good in reading people and situation even from the first meeting, sigh...

Anyway I have just update an entry, locked to my bro and sisters-in-Christ, please log in in order to read...

Time to sleep le... Night my dears :)

ireneho @ 2008-10-12T13:14:00

2008-10-12T12:56:26Z

I was quite sad yesterday until I saw a sms... Pick you up at 930pm...j :) I feel so warm-hearted when I saw 1736 at my void deck again :) It is really nice, actually I know JN would definitely preferred Tanjong Pagar than DF but I never expect he would suggest ebar...

I was really happy cause there is no barrier, we can still talk like before. I feel very comfortable in his presence :) I can relate everything to him and he actually helps to give advices but he is soooo bitchy lor, he said whenever I was drunk, my fingers are damn powerful, hahahahaha.... Actually I think the one who experience my fingers-power most is him... He said he still keep the emails that I sent him lor, I was like wa liao, keep this kind of thing for what but I told him I kept it also, hahahaha, he still can tell me one of my entry damn good lor, every line also got 1 "Hate" YQ asked he wanna use it as template huh? JN said my English is damn good when I was drunk, brain and fingers can sync, nabei lor!! Really a bitch!!! But I am really happy that now when we talked about the past, it is just a joke. We can simply laugh it off. JN told me dun do things too extreme if not we are burning our own bridge, I guess thats the reason why he always gives me vague answers in the past, haha... But again, I know that entry that I posted to him, the entry that was being sent via PDF file to him, is something that he will never forget. I really feel bad, really never sin in anger... Anger itself is not a sin but our actions are. I am very grateful that till now, John and me can talk about the past and laugh it off though. Anyway I guess I know who sent that email to him le, as expected but nevertheless it doesnt really matter now cause John and me are ok :)

Ok, time to log off liao, calling JN now... Hope he can cheer me up again :)

Last min add-in - Just talked to JN for 1 hr 35 mins, this is seriously the longest conversation I had with him via phone in these 3 years plus.

Just now we did talk a bit about the past, haha... He told me he dun mind receiving my emails when we quarrelled but it is the content of the email that irritates him cause I am like trying to justify myself instead of apologising :P He told me actually no matter how sober we still are when we drink, alcohol will still make our mood slightly different, I think I go BKK also cun drink that much with him le, sekali come back no more in his category :P but I am sooo happy and surprised he drank more than 1 glass of red wine last night, he even bottoms up 1 glass lor :P Anyway I wun force him to drink much with me la, he got to drive. Guess he is the best person to talk to cause he was also very close to me, or should I say he is very close to me? :) I hurt him when we were so close at that time, so he might be able to know how is that someone feeling. However he did say their character are different. Sigh... Anyway we came up with a conclusion, complex matters shall be solved by him and simple matters by me.... Wa liao, he sala one lor, we were discussing how to pass the e-ticket to that someone then I asked, the e-ticket cun email huh? It was then he told me oh ya, can email... Win lor, his mind is really built for complex matters, mine for simple ones like this... email **faint** He told me some people really needs to take some time to think of the good times when quarrels arised, I took the chance to ask him how long did he take then? He told me,"oh, for me very fast, if not I would have shown you all my 10 fingers liao" wa liao, I got so jia lat meh??? Hahahaha, but to be frank la, I think I did more jia lat things to him la. He is flying again on Tues le, sian... Anyway this coming Sunday, I am serving so I dun think I wanna club also. JN said I should go church today :( but I really got no mood. Hopefully by then my mind is clearer also. Today is like a dream lor, I would never have imagine myself talking to JN on the phone for more than an hour and its for counselling on friendship, hmm... This is truly amazing, haha... What he said is quite true cause he is really being very neutral. Trying to see things from both sides of views. One thing he can do it is because he knows me well enough, never have I thought I will be talking to him about friendship problems for more than an hour, he can be quite a good counsellor if he wants to :) But really, from this incident, I really feel that JN has indeed been very patient and tolerant towards me based on his character, I really appreciate it :)

my Friday :)

2008-10-11T12:56:46Z

Intended to stay at home but YQ came and looked for me at my house, he chatted with me till 6plus this morning, Gerlyn was with us till 1am I think cause she is not feeling well. It is indeed a very nice feeling to chat throughout the night with him, really thankful for his company. We walked from our block to my favourite wanton mee, we are the first customer lor, hee...

Took 1 sleeping pill and slept till 2pm :) Been catching a TV drama until 7pm, have to log off now, JN fetching me at 930pm :)

ireneho @ 2008-10-08T03:04:00

2008-10-07T19:36:34Z

Carol sent me a link http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/ I have indeed got my revelation from there :) Thanks sis!

This below article is just a small paragraph found in 1 of the "everyday answers" This is soooo familiar, haha!!

MASKS OF ANGER

Sometimes we use masks to cover up the things we don't want anybody to see. If we’re harboring anger, we think masking it keeps others from knowing the real us. So we hide behind a variety of masks in an attempt to trick people into thinking we're something or someone we're not. I’ve discovered that people respect you more if you share your real self with them rather than trying to hide everything. After all, people can tell when something isn’t right. You may think you're hiding your anger, but it’ll eventually find a way to come out—either in voice tone, body language or attitudes. Some people use the cold-shoulder mask. When someone makes them angry, they may say they’ve forgiven them, but they become cold, showing no warmth or emotion in dealing with that individual. These people live a lonely existence. Because they’re so afraid of being hurt, they avoid close, meaningful relationships. This is a classic example of "choosing your pain." They’ll choose the pain of living an isolated, lonely life instead of working through the problem, determined to develop good friendships. Other people like to use the silent-treatment mask. They say they're not angry with you, yet they refuse to talk to you, or they only communicate when it’s absolutely necessary, usually with a grunt or nod. When people avoid being with, touching, or doing things for the person they're angry with, they're hiding behind a mask, which isn’t the answer.

And this is the article which I loved most to date (cause I haven finish reading all) http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art14.htm

Carol msn me the link when I shared with her about the book that I happened to pick up and flipped, to my surprise, she also wanna tells me that she is reading her book on Sat :) Wanna meet her go Techman and buy, hee.. We use Esther's ic, got discount :P

happy!!!!

2008-09-15T18:02:16Z

Received a sms from JN this morning, asking me about my birthday celebration :) Exchanged several sms-es :) Was bitching him but he didnt reply some of my sms-es. Was a bit disappointed when I realised he has actually removed me from his Krisflyer list but in less than a min, I am ok liao cause I know I will do the same if I were him :P Well, look at the brighter side, at least he haven deleted my number :) Actually I have deleted his from my hp but I just cun delete it from my memories :) I didnt bother to add back even till now cause I know I will never forget his number so I dun need to store in my hp or sim card :)

Saw a number that I have been waiting for months to appear on my hp at 10.19pm :) Chatted with him till 10.31pm :) 12 mins of discussion, chatting and BITCHING!!! My goodness, John Ho went G.O.D till 5plus lor!!! Whats the world coming to?! He also bitched me, ask me dun make him laugh, what after clubbing whole night still can go church meh? I did that several times le hor, kns de leh him! I really enjoyed my chat with him very much :)

my thoughtsssss

2008-08-22T08:37:12Z

Have been extremely busy recently thus didnt update my LJ, didnt really log in to Caiwei's blog also until just now. Sad to see her latest entry, sigh.... Still seeing some passerby making weird and nasty comments there, I did leave some remarks that isnt very pleasing, of course I am on Caiwei's side but still I find myself not very right to leave such comments to the other party though. I only realised this when I went church on Sunday. Like what I just told Gerlyn, I am not saying that we have to depend on our self-effort by doing things like going to church etc to see certain changes or miracles but I indeed find peace in His words :)

Recently I came across many incidents, people and conversation that seem to give me revelation. Just list a few examples here.....

1) My sister, real sis... She dropped me a sms 2 wks ago I think, wun be revealing the contents here but her sms makes me realised how much I have neglected my family especially my dad. For my mum, I got no comments at this point of time, I am still trying to persuade myself everyone got their rights to pursue their own happiness no matter what happen, give me some more time ba... I am trying... My sis pointed out something about my dad, I will pray but now I got no worries le cause he has accepted Christ :) As for my sis, she has indeed mature a lot now, I guess having a child will indeed change a person (in general) too bad I wun have the chance or rather I also dun want, to experience the greatness of mother's love :P My only unconditional is my dearest Mimi :)

2) A friend... To respect his privacy, I wun be mentioning names here. He feels that his partner dun love him as much as before due to certain incidents. From what I was told, I had the same feeling initially but when I chatted with his partner 1 day, I realised I was wrong, he is loving him in another way. Many years back, I received an email, the contents is about when others dun love us the way we expect, it doesnt mean they dun love us. Many times we expect this and that actions but somehow all that we expect from the actions are simply the feeling of being important, being loved, being a priority. All these come from only 1 thing, fear. Sigh... No wonder fear is the worst sin in bible. Wen's favourite song "ben lai" indeed tells out one's regret after losing a loved one.

3) Eros - He complained that I wrote so little about him, ok I will dedicate this paragraph for him only, hee... Anyway even if he didnt say that, I will still write it here. Though we started out as enemy but I am really glad that we have become close friends now, I have learnt many things from him. By his appearance, probably people will think he is beng, loud etc but actually he is really a very giving, caring and kind friend. Indeed he is loud but he also got a very big heart, his tolerance level is indeed very high, I think other than Carol, he is the next in my list of highest tolerance level friend, hahahaha!!! He is very sensitive too but in a thoughtful manner, he always try to make me feel better, I believe he knows my thoughts at times even when I didnt say it out. Occasionally I really feel he is lying but its a white lie, just to make me feel better. **dunno if I am thinking too much though :P** but brother, I really trust you la, I know you wun badmouth me one :) Thanks for your thoughts to bring me to dinner and drinking session etc even when Rudi is not around :) Thanks for taking such good care of us :) To those who dunno the beauty of friendship, this is call "making use" but to the ones who knows and truly experienced, this is call love and FRIENDS :) Sigh pity that "canal" hor? Once again, thank you for everything :)

Ok, got to go liao, actually I haven finish with this entry but I need to meet the usual gang for dinner liao, continue again when I am back...

ireneho @ 2008-08-18T02:51:00

2008-08-17T19:46:52Z

Just finished watching an old TV serial, think this one belongs to SBC times, haha... Anyway 1 of my favourite actress is acting in this drama thus I like it very much, she is Cherry Lim (Lin Li Bing) Too bad she is not acting anymore, guess there are too many negative reports about her at a point of time.

I woke up in the noon, nearly didnt make it to church again today. Thank God He managed to drag me out of my bed (with my willing heart of course) cause today's message is very relevant to me. Sin consciousness.... I told Carol I just wrote about it last night, I dun even know whats today's message is about, God knows I need to hear His words :) Even in TV drama, haha... Oh ya today it's my ex's daughter's birthday also, I was invited for her birthday lunch. I nearly skipped church also because of this, this is really "double combo" (as quoted by my blur king, Jack) First, I was so tired that I dun feel like getting out of my bed then finally when I did, I received the call :)

Anyway I was tearing in Caiwei and Jerlyn's blog again... Jerlyn had a goal... She wanted to earn triple the amount in 2 years... She just wrote it 7 March this year, now it had become a dream that will never come true, all thanks to that murderer! I was looking around for that lamp post around Esplanade when I was on my way to church, I remembered the wrong number, no wonder I cun find but I think I know where is the spot liao. Jerlyn's sister told me in Caiwei's tagboard just now le... Haiz... Caiwei had said that she has no regrets cause she treated Jerlyn very well when she was alive but today she wrote something, she could have more time with Jerlyn de but because her bf doesnt allow her to go out etc, actually I used to be like that but I guess I am still not someone whom will be tied down for long ba, I did guai guai stayed at home with him for 1 year or slightly longer I think but after that I was back to my party life :) and Thank GOD!!! I didnt lose my friends when I was married :)

I took a personality test before, those bo liao ones la but the results showed that I lived for fun only :) Life is simply fun for me, I also dunno if this is accurate. I do indeed go after fun but if so, why am I not feeling happy then if life is afterall supposed to be fun for me? But today Pastor Prince gave an illustration... Fear, worries and anxiety are all darkness of our heart, it will be exposed by the light of God's words :)

Oh ya, I was so blessed last night :) Someone came up to me in ebar suddenly, asked me if I am using LG handphone, I said yes, why leh? He said he saw me at LG's service centre, he wanted to acknowledge me but scared he met the wrong person. I was again like "shit, where did I know him???" but as usual I did not show it la, I continued the conversation and later then I realised oh, it's Esther's friend. So paisey, not purposely one... but he is really very nice, he gave me his namecard and tell me next time any problem, call him can le, dun have to go LG service centre purposely de, he can take from me from outside, so kind of him :) Actually I really need him to change the back cover for me :P cause the person said if I wanna change I need to pay cause its not their technician who recommend the change, hee... Now no need le... Anyway I been wanting to write about LG's service centre here but I always forgot. Their service is really **thumbs up** Staff is very much friendlier and helpful than Nokia and Sony Ericsson. I know some will say cause LG not many customers ma, thats why can provide better service but I definitely wun agree with this statement lor cause since you got more customers, it simply means you need to have more and better trained staff. Thus though my LG handphone do give me a bit of problem but at least I wun get so frustrated when I visit their service centre.

Ok, done with my own entry liao, time to go kpo in Caiwei's blog again :P

Nite my dears :)

ireneho @ 2008-08-07T13:09:00

2008-08-06T05:53:04Z

Finally has a chance to "chat" with him in sms :) Really been a long long time since we last catch up I guess, even when we meet up we also didnt talk that much or probably I have been busy talking about my own problems that he dun have a chance to tell me about his life :P

When I know that he has been dating someone, a very great sense of relief and peace came over me, at least he is not as lonely as what I had initially perceived but at the same time, I have a very big regret. Regret to sms him that night, if I have known it earlier, I would not have done so but of course what done cannot be undone, maybe that is fate. Fated that things would turn out to be this way. He told me that we can still keep in touch and he may join me for clubbing occasionally, actually that is same as "Cat 5" but like what I have said, I will take whatever he has said this time. Actually I wanted to ask him to come up with a "Cat 6 - coffee friends" haha... but I guess it would seem rather weird for me to do so. I regretted smsing him that night but come to think of it, if things didnt turn out this way, he might still be clubbing with me and would not have a chance to progress with his current date thus I believe things do happen for a reason. This is the very first time I felt so happy for a friend who used to hurt me, it is indeed a blessing to have such a feeling :)

Initially I cun let go, cun move on. Always thinking about the past, the days we used to have and how lonely he is now especially after he told me Joey is very busy nowadays. I feel bad, feel worried but now knowing that he is no longer so, I can let go, can move on. Somehow I know 1 of these days, we will meet. I know I will always have a special place in his heart. I hope he will know the same too.

Thanks Jesus! Thanks Carol!

2008-08-05T16:35:19Z

I haven been feeling very happy recently cause I saw similarities, I saw history. I begin to feel its my problem, solely mine but yet at the same time, I begin to feel everyone is the same. I took sleeping pills every night but seem like sleeping pills doesnt work on me anymore, I still cun sleep but yet I dun feel like talking to Jesus too. I guess its an attack or perhaps its my flesh that wants to feel upset. I haven been reading Daily Devotional, bible and even Captivating that Carol has bought for me, I simply want to stay away from God's words, from church but I dun understand why too. I dun even feel like serving and to make things worse, I received a sms from my team leader, asking if I am still keen in serving cause I have MIA for 2 weeks which actually I was overseas and once I couldnt wake up in time, I wanted to reply him that he can leave me out of the team but I didnt, I just ignore the sms. All of a sudden, I just feel that God is so distant. I seek pleasure only in the worldly desire. I find myself "happy" only in the world and not in God's presence, or perhaps I am afraid to be in His presence. I realised what PP said is true. God forgives us even when I sinned but it is me myself who felt condemned thus I wanna avoid Him.

When I am feeling so, 2 things happened today. I bumped into my leader, I didnt acknowledge him cause I felt ashamed. I tried to avoid. I somehow felt that God arranged for this, nevertheless I didnt ask Him, dun feel like talking to Him. Just now as I was browsing through my email, deleting the emails that I dun feel like reading at all, I decided to open the one that Carol has sent on 1 Aug, this is indeed amazing. I didnt know about the contents before I opened actually cause the title is "Encouragement for today" I wanted to just delete cause I know must be God's words but somehow something inside me just prompted me to open it. This is the content;

Fretting Over a Friendship

By Renee Myers, She Speaks! Graduate

'The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry

and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us,

nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins;

He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.' Psalm 103:8-10 (NLT)

Devotion:

It all started with a simple question from a friend while we chatted over lunch. She asked how a mutual friend was doing. I could have simply answered that our other friend was doing fine, but to my dismay lots of other thoughts came tumbling out instead.

Although I didn't say anything bad about our mutual friend (who we both like), I did share disappointments I felt about my friendship with her. Maybe you've had friendships that disappointed you, too?

Attempts to work through these feelings on my own hadn't worked. I needed to pray for God's insights and perspectives to help me understand my feelings, and also for His guidance to help me work things out. Praying to God enabled me to realize that my friend didn't perceive our friendship the same way I did. Our friendship meant more to me than it did to her. This realization hurt my feelings. I thought of the many times I'd gone out of my way to help her, accommodated her schedule at the inconvenience of mine, and how I'd considered her one of my closest friends! Now I was angry. Surely I needed to address this some way, but how?

I considered sharing my feelings with her, but that could lead to other problems. Maybe this was an unhealthy friendship that I should let go of? Unsure about what to do, I prayed again. God responded by speaking to me through the verses above from Psalm 103.

God pointed out that He has been merciful, gracious, and slow to anger with me. God does not constantly accuse me of my wrongdoings, and He doesn't stay mad when I anger Him. He hasn't punished me for all my sins, and thank goodness He doesn't punish me as I deserve!

In contrast, I had been easily angered when my feelings were hurt. I continued to mentally accuse my friend of what I considered wrong doings. It was time to let my hurt feelings go and look past the ways my friend had unknowingly disappointed me.

God's solution was to treat my friend the same way my loving Father treats me. After all, she's His child, too, and deserves the same love and grace that's been given to me.

Dear Lord, Thank You for using Your words to help me resolve my frustrations and remind me that I'm to treat others as You have treated me. Thank You for preventing me from taking matters into my own hands, and leading me to trust them into Yours instead. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

I know God is still with me and its true humans disappoint me. The expectation that we have on humans should be put only onto God cause only He can fulfill all our expectation and only He delights in us drawing from Him. I will go church this Sun but I will still leave my current team cause I have the desire to serve the Hokkien and Mandarin service instead. Everything happens for a reason, I dunno what this will leads to but all I know is God has never left me. Thanks Carol for the email, sometimes it is simply amazing that when someone gave me a book or CD, I just dun listen to it immediately but when I do, it is always during the situation that I need it most and many times, I really dunno the contents at all, it is really God's plan.

Tonight will be the last night I take sleeping pills cause I finish all of them anyway, I will feed myself with God's words from tomorrow onwards. I dunno what is going wrong with me now but I seriously need time alone, time to sort out my own thoughts. I will learn to be more independent from now on, I will learn to do everything myself including travelling and watching movies alone which I have never done before.

Once again, thanks Carol for your email.

dedicated to someone...

2008-08-03T15:44:24Z

阳光中风筝断了线
往事般落在我面前
那是谁忘了放风筝握紧一点
捡起了那年的秋天

阳光中我住雨里面
你给我风筝和蓝天
那是我忘了将幸福握紧一点
感谢你最后的相约

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

阳光在抚摸我的脸
感觉到你还在身边
那是秋牵回忆的手温暖一点
我独自散步在从前

阳光在照亮你的脸
难忘你微笑的双眼
那是你让离别可以晴朗一点
你背影我目送到今天

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

等一个晴天
我们会再相见
你说了风吹我就听见
笑着说再见
就一定会再见
心晴朗就看得到永远

因为很想念
每天都是晴天
心晴朗就看到永远

阳光中风筝飞上天
你笑着回到我面前
让我像那风筝贴着天空的脸
让爱是今生不断的线

I dunno if you will be able to read this entry cause I lock it. I wasnt feeling good ever since I received your sms on "Cat 5". Wanted to email you but I dun see the point anymore. I dun want to publicise this entry because I dun want others to hear our story again. I dunno if you will want to even know how I am feeling thus I decided to lock it, if you are still interested to know my thoughts, you will log in to my entry and will get to know about it, if not there is no point for me to tell you anymore too.

I realised whenever things are getting slightly better, something will cork up again, seriously I think we can avoid all these if we can have a good talk. I dun understand why must you insist on working things out slowly? Starting from scratch when we can just rebuild from where we lost? Cat 5... You said I proposed and agreed... I read my sms again and again but I dun find myself saying that.

I sms you in BKK using my BKK number, you didnt reply. I told myself its because you dunno it is me but seriously I know I am simply lying to myself. How could you not know my style?

Anyway I dunno what I want or hope to get from this entry too, hope you will read it but why? So what you read it? Is there any difference? I dunno how to salvage this anymore. I sms you that night cause I feel bad, I wanna tell you I still treasure you but I made things worse. Your reply on the next day crush my hopes. I dunno what else can I do? Or probably I should ask myself what I want.....

Till now, I still cherish you, I really do. If ever you need me, I will definitely turn up no matter where I am or who I am with, I guess I have no choice but to accept what you have said, things can never be like before but do we have to let things turn out that bad? Do you know or realise that I dun really enjoy clubbing with you in Singapore when we met up? It is not that I dun enjoy your company as much but I felt so constraint, I dun want to do anything to jeopardise our friendship, I dun dare to drink. To be frank, I have to drink when club but I am afraid to jeopardise our friendship, I wish so much to tell you that I wish to meet you for dinner, coffee, movies or even to KTV where we can just sing our hearts out but it seem that you only want to meet me to club, I wish to ask you very much is it really your desire and wish to club with me or is it because you thought that I only enjoy clubbing with you? There is a great difference.

I said so many times I must give up, I must let go but yet till now I didnt, I cun. When you sms me, I am in your catogory 5, I wanted so much to hurt you with my words too but I am just unable to do what you did. You said a woman should have their integrity, we shouldnt degrade ourselves, I remember and I know but I simply cun do it. However I am getting tired, tired of waiting. I said I dun mind, I will wait but all I can see is I am waiting in vain. All I want is only an assurance that our friendship can be salvage and it still meant a lot to you but maybe you have your own style of handling this matter, maybe you dun even care. I dunno.

I just sms you, I hope to receive your reply. Ya, stupid me just sms you again despite I just said in my entry that it is pointless for me to email you if you are not even keen to know what I am thinking but I mean it when I said this is my last attempt. I am definitely not pushing you or trying to prove anything, it is simply because I feel that whenever I tried to salvage, something will cork up thus I really wish to have a good talk with you, however if it fail, I wun want to irritate you further too.

I hope you will come across this entry, I look forward to your reply.....